i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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