I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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