You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
