I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
