since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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