CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
