dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
