I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize