You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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