Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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