I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
