I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
