You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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