All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
