I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
