my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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