I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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