You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
