So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
