He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
