There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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