ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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