I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
