I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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