my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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