i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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