I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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