Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
