craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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