Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
