My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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