i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
