You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
