Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
