I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When did angry sex become our thing?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
