Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
