I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
