i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You need Xanax blowdarts
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
