is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
