he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
