just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
