Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
