The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
