he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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