they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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