His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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