Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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