Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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