I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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