why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
