I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
