Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
