I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
